


53

by Tricket5013



Series: Angsty stories with happy sequels [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: :), Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Gets a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Gen, and also because I like happy endings, because duh, sequel because reasons, the reason is I was bored and was given an idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28940193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tricket5013/pseuds/Tricket5013
Summary: (Sequel to Green Tally Marks)Virgil didn’t think they would catch on so quickly. More than anything, he didn’t realise they cared enough to try to help.or:The other sides find out what the tally marks mean.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Angsty stories with happy sequels [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117376
Comments: 3
Kudos: 60





	53

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_King_Of_Ravens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_King_Of_Ravens/gifts).



> Yeah so I like happy endings  
> Here you go

Virgil didn’t think they would catch on so quickly. More than anything, he didn’t realise they cared enough to try to help.  
One week ago, he had started drawing tally marks on his left arm. It was going fine for the most part. The others didn’t pay him much attention, as usual. In a way, he was relieved. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if they suddenly started pushing him out of his comfort zone. 

Virgil was in his room, headphones on and music blasting at a volume that would definitely hurt his hearing if he was human. He had woken up two hours earlier and hadn’t bothered to drag himself out of bed since then. Pulling himself up into a sitting position, he readjusted his headphones, fingers brushing over the smudged eyeshadow under his eyes. He didn’t take it off the night before. Thinking about it, he was pretty sure he forgot the night before that too. He really didn’t want to know how he looked, but he figured he might as well get it over with before someone came to drag him out of bed.  
Virgil pushed himself up, all but stumbling off his bed, and made his way over to the mirror with his phone in his hand. He pushed his bangs out of his face, turning the music up louder. He didn’t want to hear what his own head had to say about him. 

He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. He was paler than usual, and his eyeshadow was smudged down his cheeks in a way that would fit in a cheap horror movie. He moved over to the connected bathroom, washing off the eyeshadow before looking at the mirror again. He could barely see the difference in colour between his eyeshadow and the eyebags that had grown darker the more tally marks he drew. 

Tally marks. The only thought that was louder than the music at that moment. 

Virgil dug around in his pockets, frowning at the lack of markers. He always had one near him these days. He glanced at the mirror again, hesitating for a moment before slipping back into his room. He could fix his eyeshadow later. First, he had to replace his marker. 

He knew he could easily summon a new one, but then he wouldn’t know how far in he was. Virgil used a marker until it was dry, and only then would he get a new one. That was how his system worked. He was already on his third marker. 

He searched his room, frowning when he came up empty handed. He could ask the others, but then he would have to explain why that specific green marker was so important to him, why he couldn’t just summon a new one. But he didn’t have any other options. 

*

“A green marker?”

Virgil nodded, shrinking into his hoodie. “Can you just answer the question?” 

Logan frowned in concentration, glancing away from his computer screen to look at Virgil for a moment. “Does this happen to be the same marker you were using to write on your hand last week?”

Shit.

Virgil didn’t realise that Logan had that good of a memory. Why would he remember a small insignificant detail from a week ago? They had barely even had a full conversation then.  
Virgil shook his head quickly, stepping back out of the room. “You know what, it doesn’t matter, I’ll just ask Patton or something.”

Logan looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he just nodded, straightening his tie as he turned back to the computer. 

Virgil rushed over to his room, shutting the door behind him. That was one person who knew way more than any of them needed to know. Adding that to Roman seeing the tally marks last week, and it was only a matter of time before Logan decided to mention that he had asked about a marker and it was all over. 

He pulled up his hood, twisting the strings of his hoodie. The last thing he needed right now was for Logan and Patton and Roman to find out what he had been doing the past few weeks. He didn’t want to see the look on Patton’s face, didn’t want to hear Logan’s lecture about it, couldn’t bear to know what Roman would think. He didn’t want to see them replacing caring with pity and pretending it’s the same thing. Virgil wasn’t sure he could take it without breaking down completely. 

Rational. Think rational. Virgil squeezed his eyes shut, trying to slow his breathing. It’s fine. It would be fine. If they find out, he can find an excuse. Give them something else to think about, like he had when Roman asked about the tally marks. Worse case scenario, he can just lie to the–

Virgil froze. 

He shook his head rapidly, as if he could take back the thought. Cancel it out somehow. Because no matter how many secrets he kept, he didn’t want to…  
It seemed like such a small thing, but Virgil didn’t want to give Deceit that power. Not after he already showed up sometimes. 

Virgil slowly walked over to his desk, picking up his phone and headphones. He put them on, flopping down on his bed and picking a playlist at random. He couldn’t relax, not with the music so loud, not with his thoughts spiralling, not with the current situation. 

He reluctantly summoned a new marker, pulling down his left sleeve. He drew two tally marks. One for that morning, and one for that moment. He stared at the tally marks. The slivers of pale skin left visible between them seemed more prominent than ever. 

*

It was subtle at first. Virgil almost didn’t realise it was happening. But when the temperature in the mindpalace rose to a degree that even Roman couldn’t justify, he had a feeling he knew what was going on. 

He knocked on the door quickly before he could chicken out or change his mind. He heard a soft, “Come in.”

Virgil pushed the door open, frowning at Logan. “Do you have any idea why it’s like, ten hundred degrees in here?” 

Logan glanced at Virgil before turning back to his computer. “That’s an over exaggeration even by Roman’s standards. It’s not even that hot.”

“Yeah, for you,” Virgil complained, tugging at the hoodie tied around his waist. “Some of us don’t constantly wear short sleeves.” 

“You seem to be doing just fine with that,” Logan replied with a pointed look towards Virgil’s bare arms. He crossed them self-consciously, careful not to touch the space where the tally marks should have been visible. 

Virgil sighed. “Just turn down the temperature.” And with that, he left the room. 

The walk back to his room was almost scary. He had no idea what Logan was currently thinking, and he doubted it was anything good. He was almost to his room when he felt a hand on his wrist.  
“Hey, Logan said you were looking for a green marker. Is this what you were looking for? It was under the couch.” 

Virgil took the marker, gently pulling his hand out of Roman’s grasp. “Yes, thank you.” He didn’t give Roman time to answer before rushing into his room and closing the door.  
Safe.

Unbeknownst to Virgil, Roman was still standing in the hallway, staring in confusion at the green ink and concealer that had smudged on his hand. 

*

Virgil was still in his room. 

It had been three days since Roman returned his marker and he didn’t feel the need to go out. He knew that he should. The effect of his room never let him relax properly, and Logan would only grow more suspicious if he started acting weirdly. But it had already been three days, and he wasn’t hungry, and if anyone really cared about that, wouldn’t they have noticed by now? Whatever the reason, he was curled up on his bed, staring at the wall. His headphones were on his desk, across the room. They seemed so far away to him. He reached for his pocket before his eyes caught on his hoodie, thrown messily on the floor. He groaned, pulling himself up. Every step felt like an eternity. He dropped down, digging out the marker. He drew a tally mark on his arm. Virgil thought back a moment, trying to remember the last time he slept. After a few seconds, he drew another. He looked down. 

Messy. 

That’s the first thing he thought. The tally marks were uneven, some shorter and some longer. Most of them were barely faded. Virgil fixed the tally marks slowly, counting as he went along. 53 tally marks scattered across both arms. He dropped the marker. He should leave the room. His throat felt dry and his head was pounding and he felt like he was choking on the air around him and he couldn’t pull himself up. Virgil stared at the wall as his vision blurred, and the last thing he remembered was the ceiling entering his line of vision. 

*

Waking up hurt. 

The floor was cold and hard, but at least Virgil had the strength to pull himself off it. He had forgotten why sleep was necessary. His head felt clearer than it had in weeks. He walked over to the mirror, lazily fixing his hair and smoothing out his shirt. He avoided meeting his own eyes, brushing his bangs out of his face. He’d be fine. This was fine. As long as no one found out, he could work through this.  
The knock on the door startled him. He cleared his throat, choosing to open the door instead of speaking, fearing the way his voice must sound after not talking for days. 

Roman looked almost nervous as he stepped into the room, avoiding Virgil’s eyes. “You have a lot more of those than last time,” he said, glancing at the tally marks decorating Virgil’s arms. Virgil could have sworn he counted them before, but he didn’t remember how many there were. He mentally cursed himself for being too lazy, too forgetful to put on his hoodie before willingly seeing another side. He sat down on his bed, swallowing hard before asking, “why are you here?”

That came out a lot harsher than he meant it to be. He cringed at how weak his voice sounded, regardless of his tone. Roman almost looked lost. “Just– What are they for?”

“What?”

Roman looked around, collecting his thoughts. When he spoke again, he sounded more confident, more intense. “What are the tally marks for?”  
Virgil didn’t answer, staring down at the floor. 

“Look, I know it means something and you haven’t been out for days and now there are more than double as many and– is it something bad? Did I do something?”  
That was what caught Virgil’s attention. He looked back at Roman, and with a sinking feeling he realised that his room, now more than ever, was the reason Roman was now tapping his fingers against his thigh nervously, looking increasingly unsure of himself. 

“Look, I– It doesn’t matter right now, you have to get out of here. This room is already affecting you and you’ve barely been here a minute.”  
Roman shook his head, taking a step back. “I’m not going until you tell me.” Despite it all, he sounded determined, and Virgil hated that it was Roman of all people there with him, that Roman’s curiosity and stupid bravery led to him standing there, demanding answers that he didn’t have the right to know. 

Roman was still staring at him, and Virgil would have thought over his options, but he hated seeing Roman like this. He shrank into himself, crossing his arms and whispering the answer that he had wished he would never have to say. He closed his eyes and looked up, almost hoping that Roman hadn’t heard him, but the look on Roman’s face made him look away immediately, wishing he had a hood to pull up. He didn’t move until he heard the door close, and for the first time he could remember he was glad that anxiety was a fight or flight instinct, and thank god for flight. Thank god Roman had left like he said he would instead of giving hollow words of compassion. 

Virgil stood up shakily, picking up his hoodie and throwing it on before sinking into his bed. He didn’t have the energy to think about the consequences right now, but his mind wouldn’t let it go.  
He stopped listening. Virgil didn’t know how to ignore the voice, but he knew how to disconnect, so he did just that– pulled away from himself. He felt like he was living a dream, something harmless with no real affects on his life. In the back of his mind, a voice was screaming that he had to do something, he had to plan ahead, he had to be ready for what happens next. He dismissed it.  
He only really realized the weight of what had happened when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Someone behind him was saying something. He opened his eyes slowly, turning his head slightly to see Patton’s concerned face. He closed his eyes instinctively, opening them and shaking his head slightly at Patton, silently begging him not to ask. Patton seemed to have gotten the hint, since he stopped talking and instead sat down next to Virgil, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 

Virgil watched Roman walk in awkwardly, hovering next to the door before leaving again. When he came back, Logan was with him, looking calm and collected despite the situation. Virgil didn’t need to look up to know that Patton was growing increasingly anxious. Logan walked over to him, messing with his tie, and asked in a gentle voice that Virgil hadn’t known Logan was capable of, “do you mind moving to the living room? This room isn’t good for any of us.” 

Virgil nodded, letting Patton pull him along out of his room, listening as Roman suggested watching a movie, leaning his head against Patton’s shoulder as Logan turned on the TV. Virgil watched the lights dim and the movie start, listening for as long as he could before his eyelids started to feel heavy, and he got to fall asleep with Patton’s arm still wrapped tightly around him and Roman and Logan’s constant comments about the movie. 

*

Virgil was not alone when he realized it. 

He was in the kitchen, washing the dishes when he pulled his sleeves up. It was weirdly normal for him now. He wasn’t really paying attention, too busy rolling his eyes at one of Patton’s terrible puns before he looked back at the sink and saw clear skin for the first time in forever. He was kind of stunned at how normal it was, at how so utterly meaningless it must have been to any other person. Any other person, on any other day, would look away. Virgil couldn’t. He was stuck staring at the clear skin, no longer stained by the green ink that had become so familiar to him. Then he blinked, tearing his gaze away from his forearms to look behind his shoulder, where Logan was still drinking his coffee, where Patton was putting away the dry dishes, where Roman was telling Patton excitedly about his newest video idea. 

Virgil wanted a new marker, for moments he felt like he fit right in. That moment alone would have been enough to cover every place the green had once invaded.


End file.
